Tony and I had our first family meeting with Kendra last night. We've spoken by phone several times over the past two weeks since she has been at Third Way. These weeks have been peaceful and restful for our family. Fewer errands, fewer commitments, and fewer arguments, but a big adjustment to not having her around. Kendra was very happy to see us when we arrived, but seemed to be upset by us talking with her therapist for a bit without her.



Her therapist informed us that on Sunday, Kendra had secretly placed a call to her bio-mom and did have a conversation with her. Mom noted that she might try to come by and see Kendra on Christmas Eve. This glimmer of hope from her mom pushed Kendra to question and be angry at our level of commitment to her. I asked what she thought our support should look like, and she refused to respond.



Kendra communicated that she does not want to spend Christmas with us and stated that she doesn't think having a relationship with us is going to work, but wouldn't reveal her reasoning. She said that she doesn't want contact with us from now on. We told her that we will still reach out to her by calling and sending letters, but that she gets to choose whether to take our calls or read our letters. If she doesn't want a relationship with us, that's her choice - not ours.



The positive: Kendra made the choice. Our consistent message has been that we desire to give Kendra the love and support of a committed family, but she has to choose it. It's encouraging that she feels empowered to make this decision even if we don't agree that it's a wise decision. It is also clear that the staff at Third Way have a clear understanding of Kendra's needs as well as the experience and tools needed to address them. We are confident that she can get the help she needs there should she choose to take advantage of what is available to her.



Noelle broke into tears when we told her that Kendra decided not to come home for Christmas. She noted that she had wanted to see Kendra for her birthday and that didn't happen and that now she wouldn't see her for Christmas either. She's incredible and seems to understand that we need to accept Kendra's choice and that it doesn't change things for her - God loves us, we love each other, and we love Kendra even when she chooses not to be with us.



We seriously doubt that this is the end of our relationship with Kendra, we trust that God is in control of the entire situation and that His plan is good. So, we wait for His each step to be revealed for both us and for Kendra.