Kendra did call last week to say she didn't mean what she had said to us. We went down and enjoyed a small "family Christmas get together" with her on Wednesday afternoon. Noelle was ecstatic for Kendra to open her gifts and to be able to celebrate to holiday together. Kendra showed us the Christmas gifts she had received when Santa visited Third Way and we were entertained by her overwhelming joy at a small bag of cotton candy we had put in her stocking. We didn't hear from Kendra at all over the weekend and we enjoyed seeing The Nutcracker, Christmas with Carrie's parents, brunch with Scott's in-laws (without Scott), and a restful afternoon with Scott's wife Amanda.

We hope each of you celebrated Christmas with those you love.

Tony and I had our first family meeting with Kendra last night. We've spoken by phone several times over the past two weeks since she has been at Third Way. These weeks have been peaceful and restful for our family. Fewer errands, fewer commitments, and fewer arguments, but a big adjustment to not having her around. Kendra was very happy to see us when we arrived, but seemed to be upset by us talking with her therapist for a bit without her.



Her therapist informed us that on Sunday, Kendra had secretly placed a call to her bio-mom and did have a conversation with her. Mom noted that she might try to come by and see Kendra on Christmas Eve. This glimmer of hope from her mom pushed Kendra to question and be angry at our level of commitment to her. I asked what she thought our support should look like, and she refused to respond.



Kendra communicated that she does not want to spend Christmas with us and stated that she doesn't think having a relationship with us is going to work, but wouldn't reveal her reasoning. She said that she doesn't want contact with us from now on. We told her that we will still reach out to her by calling and sending letters, but that she gets to choose whether to take our calls or read our letters. If she doesn't want a relationship with us, that's her choice - not ours.



The positive: Kendra made the choice. Our consistent message has been that we desire to give Kendra the love and support of a committed family, but she has to choose it. It's encouraging that she feels empowered to make this decision even if we don't agree that it's a wise decision. It is also clear that the staff at Third Way have a clear understanding of Kendra's needs as well as the experience and tools needed to address them. We are confident that she can get the help she needs there should she choose to take advantage of what is available to her.



Noelle broke into tears when we told her that Kendra decided not to come home for Christmas. She noted that she had wanted to see Kendra for her birthday and that didn't happen and that now she wouldn't see her for Christmas either. She's incredible and seems to understand that we need to accept Kendra's choice and that it doesn't change things for her - God loves us, we love each other, and we love Kendra even when she chooses not to be with us.



We seriously doubt that this is the end of our relationship with Kendra, we trust that God is in control of the entire situation and that His plan is good. So, we wait for His each step to be revealed for both us and for Kendra.

Yesterday, we took Kendra to Third Way and met with her county caseworker and one of the counselors on staff there. It was a tough thing for all of us, but Kendra truly does need help to develop the tools she will need to lead a successful life. Her biggest issue yesterday was learning that as a new resident they are not allowed to smoke for two weeks. With smoking being Kendra's primary coping mechanism, that might get ugly.

Kendra shares a room with two girls and should start at her new school tomorrow. We are taking a big step back for the next few weeks with the expectation that Kendra can accept her new reality and embrace being there and the help they offer instead of seeing it as punishment. Please continue to pray with us for the breakthrough that will allow Kendra to heal and grow during her time there. As Kendra progresses with therapy and independent living skills, she will move from this dormitory style facility to an apartment of her own in a building the program owns.

Noelle and Isaac are taking it in stride. A bit more emotional about things than normal, but I think they'll make the adjustment. Yesterday in the car, Noelle was "reading" Isaac the Christmas story - it was so great hearing her version of the angels appearing and Jesus being born. It was a good chance for me to embrace my true focus.

Thank you for all of the prayers. On Monday, 12/7 Kendra will be moving from our house to Third Way, a residential treatment facility specializing in independent living skills and intensive mental health therapy. Kendra has gone through several stages this past week, from accepting this placement to fighting it and trying to be placed elsewhere. From understanding that it will give her the best chance for success to thinking we don't love her and just want to get rid of her. We respond with the fact that sometimes a parent's job is to do what they see as best for their child long term despite her initial opinion that we are hurtful and mean. I believe it may be a "wait and see what happens" scenario on Monday. We are just praying that God is able to show her how truth and healing can impact her life right now and she obtain the end results she desires.

In the end, Kendra has to choose - what do I want, and what am I willing to do in order to get it?
Hopefully Kendra can find the will to choose change. We will continue to send updates on this journey. Our adoption agency has been notified that we are open to another fost-adopt placement (likely a younger girl this time). We will continue to support Kendra as her family as she progresses through Third Way and we hope that on the other end she can successfully make the choices necessary to be a part of our family.

We expect that Kendra will come home for a few days to celebrate Christmas with our family. My mom gave Kendra her hand-knit family stocking last night to hang on the mantle with the rest of ours. We are looking forward to the holiday and celebrating the hope a tiny baby brought to into our lives.