Tug of War

I find that parenting (or maybe just mothering) is a mind battle...constantly torn between

There's so much you must learn vs. I'm expecting too much and pushing too hard.

It starts before they're even born with all those terrible questions and advice about what to eat, when to eat it, how much to eat it, do I deliver in a hospital or at home, do I bottle feed, how much formula will scar my child for life, will she remember the pain from this diaper rash, shouldn't he know his colors by now, will she ever learn to flush, we obsess about all these details all day, every day.

But the kind of parenting we do now brings this obsessing to entirely new levels.  There are so many (truly valid) reasons to substantiate every behavior, every reaction, every challenge.      
     Do you avoid eye contact because you haven't attached yet or is it cultural?
     Is it just the language barrier?
     Maybe something cognitive keeps you from paying attention or remembering what we've asked?
     Are too many choices overwhelming you?

Where do I find the balance between benefit of the doubt and teaching you to be responsible?

Last week, we explained our parenting responsibilties as follows...
1.  Keep you relatively safe.
2.  Give you God.
3.  Teach you how to become a responsible, independent, successful member of society.

The URM program clearly focuses on preparing these kids for entering independent adulthood and beign able to sustain themselves.  Learn English, gain some work skills, make a life for yourself in America.  Some days it seems that the time Ruth and Nancy have as URMs is unending and we have plenty of time to impart each lesson.  Other days, we begin to feel the pressure of preparing Ruth for what lies ahead and with that pressure comes the mind battle...

"For Narnia"

Noelle is very into Narnia. After watching the movies with the family over Christmas break, several times a day she mentions how badly she wants to go to Narnia, when playing Wii she shouts "For Narnia" before making her move, every drawing or painting depicts Aslan the lion or Reepicheep the mouse. She is obsessed. A few weeks ago, she decided she wants to read the books. Mrs. Walker agreed to loan her personal copies for Noelle to use for her take home reading. Last night, she finished the first book in the series The Magician's Nephew. In addition to the reading, she has to complete some work about important themes and connections, so we were discussing what happened in the story. The paper asked for "the main idea". "It's a long book, there were a lot of big ideas." she says. I press in "Tell me some of them". Noelle provides a synopsis of several pieces of Digory's adventures and mistakes. She talks about how Aslan sings and nature grows and how that reminds her of Genesis' creation story. She remembers Aslan telling the beasts that all of belongs to them just like God has given us responsibility for our world. "You have a good heart, Noelle" I tell her. We move forward and discuss the finer points of the confusing circle of stewardship. - God gives us gifts, talents, husbands, children, jobs, houses, church communities... - He gives us the responsibility of using or investing them wisely - We learn to acknowledge that none of it is ours, and surrender full control to God - Our entire lives become a tool to bring God glory "But you don't have to write all that down" I tell my sweet daughter. A very relieved 8 year old notes that I was about to cry while talking about all that. "Because that lesson has changed our lives and brought us to where we are today - surrendering our family to God's purpose and joining Him in loving Ruth and Nancy." In the end we decided that Digory's story is about the inevitable truth that actions have consequences -in this world or in another Narnian world. What will be the impact of what you did yesterday?

Relentless

"We just have to be relentless" Tony says to me in reference to the tiring process of trying to get any response at all from Nancy, our new daughter. A head nod and "Mmm" is the only response we've seen in nearly two weeks. Relentless is actually one of favorite words in describing God's passion for each of us. He waits for us, he pursues us, he makes plans for us and then waits to see if we will listen and follow that plan. God is relentless in a good way.
Now, Tony and I have to be relentless in so many of the same ways. We keep trying day after day. We keep loving day after day. We keep hugging day after day. We keep pushing day after day. We keep hoping day after day. We keep praying day after day. This is what He has called us to...to love these orphans who have not known a laving parent. Even when it has no returns.

One More...

Today we welcomed one more. A 12 year old daughter from Africa now sleeps in a bed down the hall. I'm convinced that it's the first night she's ever spent in a bed with a blanket all to herself. She must be so overwhelmed by our house in comparison to the refugee camps where she has spent her entire life. May God pour down His gifts on her. Grace, unconditional love and quick learning for English and this whole new world. May she adjust quickly to having parents who care for her and protect her. Please God, equip us to be what she needs.