Faith and Hope

Summer break has arrived, ready or not. I truly believe that every foster parent must have the spiritual gift of faith. The strain of every day can be entirely overwhelming, but we must hold on to hope that God can work change and bring joy back to our homes.

How are you ecstatic to go to school or see your friends, yet this house is the most miserable place you've ever been? (and you've been in some seriously miserable places). How can the honest answer to ANY question actually be "I don't know"? How can we watch our happy, peaceful family be turned inside out with fear, frustration and heartache again?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions. All I know with confidence is that it's not about us. God is working His purpose, not just in Nancy's life, but in the other five hearts as well. Lord, let your lessons pour into each of us like empty cisterns. Keep us from becoming hardened by this process, but show us where boundaries are necessary. Please work quickly to overcome. You will overcome. We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. Everyone, overcome. Without Faith, I couldn't cling to this hope and these last five months would claim victory. No one claims victory in this house but the Almighty God: Comforter, Prince of Peace, Savior, Master, Provider, Healer, Santifier, Truth, I Am, Messiah, Abba Father.

This is the Hard Soil

This wise response came from a dear friend listening to me processing our last 45 days. The statement stopped me and reminded me of how I describe my involvement in leading a few friends to Christ. I've never led anyone to "pray the prayer" have been the friend who engaged in hard discussions and led them to the foot of the cross where someone else had the blessing of seeing the fruit. Maybe that's one of the spiritual gifts God has given me...that stubborn perseverance that is able to work the hard soil. If you tell me to give up, I'll gain the determination to show you how it's done. I've never before thought of this perceived fault as God equipping me for his purpose. "Are you happy?" I asked last night as I tucked Nancy in. Nope, she doesn't understand. "Good? Are you good?" "Good." she replied. And this is progress. A response to a question. God's glimmer of hope for the day.

Tug of War

I find that parenting (or maybe just mothering) is a mind battle...constantly torn between

There's so much you must learn vs. I'm expecting too much and pushing too hard.

It starts before they're even born with all those terrible questions and advice about what to eat, when to eat it, how much to eat it, do I deliver in a hospital or at home, do I bottle feed, how much formula will scar my child for life, will she remember the pain from this diaper rash, shouldn't he know his colors by now, will she ever learn to flush, we obsess about all these details all day, every day.

But the kind of parenting we do now brings this obsessing to entirely new levels.  There are so many (truly valid) reasons to substantiate every behavior, every reaction, every challenge.      
     Do you avoid eye contact because you haven't attached yet or is it cultural?
     Is it just the language barrier?
     Maybe something cognitive keeps you from paying attention or remembering what we've asked?
     Are too many choices overwhelming you?

Where do I find the balance between benefit of the doubt and teaching you to be responsible?

Last week, we explained our parenting responsibilties as follows...
1.  Keep you relatively safe.
2.  Give you God.
3.  Teach you how to become a responsible, independent, successful member of society.

The URM program clearly focuses on preparing these kids for entering independent adulthood and beign able to sustain themselves.  Learn English, gain some work skills, make a life for yourself in America.  Some days it seems that the time Ruth and Nancy have as URMs is unending and we have plenty of time to impart each lesson.  Other days, we begin to feel the pressure of preparing Ruth for what lies ahead and with that pressure comes the mind battle...

"For Narnia"

Noelle is very into Narnia. After watching the movies with the family over Christmas break, several times a day she mentions how badly she wants to go to Narnia, when playing Wii she shouts "For Narnia" before making her move, every drawing or painting depicts Aslan the lion or Reepicheep the mouse. She is obsessed. A few weeks ago, she decided she wants to read the books. Mrs. Walker agreed to loan her personal copies for Noelle to use for her take home reading. Last night, she finished the first book in the series The Magician's Nephew. In addition to the reading, she has to complete some work about important themes and connections, so we were discussing what happened in the story. The paper asked for "the main idea". "It's a long book, there were a lot of big ideas." she says. I press in "Tell me some of them". Noelle provides a synopsis of several pieces of Digory's adventures and mistakes. She talks about how Aslan sings and nature grows and how that reminds her of Genesis' creation story. She remembers Aslan telling the beasts that all of belongs to them just like God has given us responsibility for our world. "You have a good heart, Noelle" I tell her. We move forward and discuss the finer points of the confusing circle of stewardship. - God gives us gifts, talents, husbands, children, jobs, houses, church communities... - He gives us the responsibility of using or investing them wisely - We learn to acknowledge that none of it is ours, and surrender full control to God - Our entire lives become a tool to bring God glory "But you don't have to write all that down" I tell my sweet daughter. A very relieved 8 year old notes that I was about to cry while talking about all that. "Because that lesson has changed our lives and brought us to where we are today - surrendering our family to God's purpose and joining Him in loving Ruth and Nancy." In the end we decided that Digory's story is about the inevitable truth that actions have consequences -in this world or in another Narnian world. What will be the impact of what you did yesterday?